Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
