i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
