drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
