I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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