the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I just blew my weed a kiss
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
