he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
