Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
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