I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
