ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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