I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
