FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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