I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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