If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
