I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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