life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
