Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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