as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Randomize
