ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
