I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
