In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
