haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
