So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
