so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Randomize
