I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
