My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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