help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
