Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
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