so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
i now understand why vodka
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
