I'm sorry my penis didn't work
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
