So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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