remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
