then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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