She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
