i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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