Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I just saw a hot homeless man
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
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