I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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