We're facebook friends in real life
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
