I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
