Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
There's even glitter on my cock...
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