never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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