i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
