I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
