She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
