She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
