Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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