Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
where am i from again
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
