I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
