He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
