Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
