my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
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He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
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We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
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