i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
