Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
How does one acquire holy water?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
