hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
