I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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