she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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