and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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