Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
