Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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