Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
