They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
