you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I smell like Dick and happiness
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