Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
