Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Randomize
