The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
