we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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