drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
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He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
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There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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