So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
