I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
