i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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