He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
