either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
