I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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